shereen

Ask me anything  
shereenlani.com

finally

There is a forgetfulness about me

which makes me feel nervous

slightly.

Or is it slightly unnerving?

Problem is I can’t remember which it is or if this is just one more bout or spell to add to the list and even if I could put the pieces together I truly believe I wouldn’t want to because each person I become is someone I willingly wish to forget.

As if a genie is all anyone has ever wanted in life.

Is that really all it was?

Just a man with a belt and a gaping hole where darkness crept in and made itself at home and infested every cell until he was nothing but a sack of skin encasing strangely shaped malignancies

where organs once were.

How was I supposed to know this is what it means to be free?

A terror of loss.

Cataclysm.

A deafening panic of too much happiness and love because loss always comes after because loss always comes after because loss always comes after.

And to admit that I am so afraid would almost make me seem god-fearing

but I’m on the water now.

It’s as though every deity upon inception loomed over the world and pleaded

“if I could make you feel just one thing

it would be the fear of letting me go”

such desperation in their voices it must have sounded like the waves do

when they crash

but they can’t take that from me

nor anything.

What does it mean when I cannot anticipate my own will

When my every action is nothing but a haphazard response to yet another, another, another

yet I still and forever will be unable to shake this growling need in the pit of who I am

the need amputate fragments of myself and gift-wrap them for the earth now and until its end

This is what creation is

This is who my god is

This is why I am this way and this is why I will never be with you

I am consumed.

How cruel is it that I should have all of this within me

only to be mutilated by the written word.

I’ve now finally understood the ache of wanting something

other than simply wanting

to want

— 4 days ago with 2 notes
#writing  #for salomeya  #and mostly for myself 

dayfall:

"yeah but Donald Glover can’t rap"

(via vividuv)

— 6 days ago with 76 notes
#Donald Glover is the shit 

i like to use exclamation marks because they cover up the fact that i am dead inside!!!!

(Source: famphic, via vividuv)

— 2 weeks ago with 48267 notes

last week i made $1200 working on a commercial 

this week i made $60 babysitting for three hours

*~LA~*

and now i’m off to see a comedy show because my life is a joke 

— 2 weeks ago

when the queen falls she’s no better than a pawn

a corpse is a corpse

— 3 weeks ago
"My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them."
Laurell K. Hamilton, A Stroke of Midnight (via rabbitinthemoon)
— 3 weeks ago with 36800 notes
aseaofquotes:

Sylvia Plath, “A Mad Girl’s Love Song”

aseaofquotes:

Sylvia Plath, “A Mad Girl’s Love Song”

— 3 weeks ago with 8030 notes

this gives me life

(Source: sizvideos, via vividuv)

— 3 weeks ago with 172391 notes
"My heart beat fast or did not beat at all;
I could not say all that I thought and thought
till words deserted me. I loved too abstractly."
Anjum Hasan (via rabbitinthemoon)
— 1 month ago with 589 notes
"There’s something fairy-tale-like about it, which is perfect, because fairy tales are all about innocence and ill will and the inevitability of terrible things. They’re all about the moment when the girl is no longer who she was."
Nina LaCour, Everything Leads to You (via rabbitinthemoon)
— 2 months ago with 831 notes